Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass: Adios, Honda Crosstour

2013 Honda Crosstour

Cars are great. They’re awesome. We nerd out over them, drool at inconvenient times (sorry, dear), and generally spend way too much of our lives obsessing over them. But some cars suck—so much so that they hurt other cars by their mere existence. The Honda Crosstour is one of those cars. But this albatross is dead. Soon.

The news comes straight from what may be the only place to mourn the ungainly Crosstour’s passing, and that for entirely selfish (and understandable) reasons: East Liberty, Ohio and The Columbus Dispatch. That’s where the Crosstour is built—was built, after the 2016 model year.

Honda plans to run out the 2016s, then put a stake in the upside-down guppy, capping the car’s six-model-year run with an ignominious and largely celebrated death.

But wait! You posing poser, you say. The Crosstour is, sorta-kinda-if-you-squint-right a wagon. You should be rooting for wagons. Reveling in the death of an almost-maybe-longroof is heresy!


The Crosstour is a bad excuse for a wagon-like vehicle, poorly conceived and awkwardly realized, shunned by the press and the public alike. It’s a car that brings us all low just by taking up an infinitesimal fraction of the mental space allotted to this world for four-wheeled things with its infinite suckage.

Better yet, maybe the Crosstour’s timely demise will clear a space for a better car in Honda’s lineup–maybe even a wagon.

Adios, Honda Crosstour. Don’t let the door hit you in your bulbous, disfigured ass on the way out.

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